Published 1 year, 8 months ago
in General.
One of the more depressing things to think about when your parents have split up is an event like a holiday. Throughout my life it was a time when I could go back “home” and enjoy my mothers cooking and spend some time with my dad.
Everything has changed now. It will be the first Christmas that my parents won’t be together and we are already starting out by making our place the “home” for the holidays.
It wasn’t really planned as a way to get around the issue of which parent to go visit although it works that way. We can now start traditions around our tree and build lasting memories with our kids, regardless of who else comes to visit.
I have a suggestion for those of you that are struggling with who to invite or which parent to visit. Instead of looking at the past, look into the future and build new traditions. Take the good memories and forget about the bad. It is a time when it is easy to get upset at the way your parent’s mistake causes problems but honestly, being upset won’t change the facts.
Vent in the comments or in the forum.
Published 1 year, 12 months ago
in General.
While divorcing parents battle it out with each other, the innocents often get hit with the shrapnel.
My parents have officially called it quits and at the beginning of this month began the process of dividing property with my father moving out of the house and my mother staying until it sells. The settlement was done without lawyering on each side other than making sure it was legal. So although feelings are hurt and bitterness from years of anger at each other remain, things are at least civil.
Unfortunately, the battle still goes on. The two don’t talk to each other without sniping and can’t seem to talk about each other without doing the same. I understand why there is a need to look better than the other but all the advice I have received thus far in the process from other ACODs (Adult Children of Divorce) is to stay out of the middle.
I’ve made it very obvious that when one insults the other I will leave the room or abruptly terminate the conversation, no matter how accurate or truthful the statement was. For example: if one makes a comment about the other’s character in a disrespectful manner, I will turn around and leave. To allow the disrespect to continue will give permission to the offender to use me.
What do you think? Am I too harsh? Do I not care what my mom and dad are going through?
Who? John Smith. Not my real name. I’m in my early thirties, married with children and watching my parent’s marriage fall apart.
What? ParentalSplit.com - A website for adults who are seeing their parents split up with articles, journals and a forum.
Where? The internet is a great place for those affected to meet. It allows one to be vulnerable with people you haven’t met.
Why? We hurt too. There are many resources for young children and teens that are watching their parents split but there wasn’t anything for me.
When? Now.
